


For Science?

by thatgirl_kei



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Darcy Lewis, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, For Science!, Multi, Troll Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 06:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgirl_kei/pseuds/thatgirl_kei
Summary: Darcy science experiments and Clint forgetting boundaries





	For Science?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first story written and posted on this site, first written and posted in nearly ten years, and definitely the first in this fandom. So, a lot of firsts and lots of jumpy nerves. 
> 
> Thanks to the wonderful emma98 for editing this! Enjoy the story everyone!

Darcy typed the last sentence from Jane’s messy code and closed the page. Her round stomach growled, and Darcy grimaced before standing and clapping her hands.

“Yo nerds! It’s time for lunch.” 

Neither Jane nor Tony looked up, and Bruce barely moved. Darcy rolled her eyes and pulled up multiple takeout menus. 

“So, what sounds good? Italian? Greek? Oh, what about pizza?” Darcy felt the baby flip as she licked her lips. Pizza sounded so amazing, she nearly moaned. Yes, definutely pizza.

Amidst her pizza fantasies, she realized nobody answered her still. Darcy shot a text to Pepper and the rest of the team for their pizza requests, and tried once more for her scientists’ attention, “Hey! Starving baby mama in distress here!” 

Tony dropped his wrench and Bruce looked at her wide eyed and concerned. 

Darcy scoffed. “Now that I have your attention, put your stuff down, it’s time for lunch. We’re having pizza.”  
Tony pouted, but Bruce consented. 

“Aw prego, can’t I finish this? Bruce can help me really quick.” 

Darcy narrowed her eyes a moment before nodding, “A few minutes. I have to get Jane. No blowing stuff up, Tony. I’m watching you.” 

Tony smirked and turned his attention to Bruce as Darcy turned her to Jane.

“Jane. Jane! I will turn off all the power on this floor if you don’t get your ass in the elevator and eat lunch.”  
Jane flapped her hand at her, further irritating Darcy. A wicked idea popped into her head as she walked next to Jane.

“So, Jane. I have a question about an experiment.”  
At this, Jane glanced at Darcy warily, but motioned for her to continue. 

“How big do you think the Hulk’s dick is, in ratio to Bruce's?” Darcy burst into laughter at Jane’s appalled face and indignant stutter. 

“That-that is entirely inappropriate, Darcy! Not to mention impossible to figure out,” Jane whispered back quietly. 

“Yeah, but it got your attention,” Darcy linked her arm with Jane's, and guided them towards the lab doors. “Time's up, boys. Let’s get some lunch” Darcy called over her shoulder. 

The four entered the elevator, and headed to the communal floor. Jane tugged on Darcy arm and leaned to her ear. “Why would you ask such an inappropriate question? I won’t be able to look Bruce in the eye for months!” 

Darcy chuckled at Jane, “It was just a question, Janie. Geez. I was trying to get your attention. Besides, what godmother forgets to feed her godchild?” She pouted and rubbed her large stomach pathetically. 

“Well what kind of mother talks about giant green dicks around babies?” Jane retorted a bit too loudly. 

Darcy slapped a hand to her mouth as Jane realized what she did. Tony whirled around gleefully, and points directly at Jane. “what’d you just say, Starshine?” 

Jane, mortified, groaned at the floor, as Darcy cackled.  
“What’d she say, Boobs? Was she talking about the Hulk’s dick?”

Darcy nodded, laughing too hard to answer. Bruce finally spoke, “Can anyone tell me why you were speaking about the, uh, other guys penis?” 

“For science!” Darcy squealed between peals of laughter. 

The elevator opened to their roomful of friends. Jane and Bruce exited quickly, embarrassed by the whole ordeal, with Darcy and Tony trailing behind them happily. Natasha and Bucky exchanged looks, and smirked at the group. 

“So Tony, should I even ask what happened?”

“Jane over there wanted to know just how big Big Green’s little green was, if you catch my drift,” Tony smirked at Jane’s reddened face before biting into a fresh slice of supreme pizza. 

Clint choked on a piece of his sausage pizza from the counter space. Bucky leaned over and whacked Clint’s back a few times, and the pair doubled over into laughter. 

“That is not what happened!” Jane sputtered indignantly. “Darcy, you need to tell them!” 

Darcy sighed behind her gooey cheese pizza, and pecked Steve’s cheek as Jane once again hid behind Thor. “Okay so I may have hinted at my curiosity towards the subject. But only to distract and feed Jane, I swear.” 

Thor chuckled at his wife as she attempted to make herself scarce. Steve just lifted an eyebrow at Darcy and she playfully rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t get jealous on me now. There’s just things I need to know. Ya know, for science.” Darcy squealed as Steve pulled her into his arms and tickled her. 

“So Doc,” Clint called from the counter, “How many times bigger IS the Hulk’s dick?” 

Bruce nearly spat out his tea and glared at his friends.  
“How is that your business Clint?”

“It’s for science, obviously,” Tony stated with a smile. “Would you say a few inches or a few feet?” 

Tony had pulled out a starkpad from somewhere, and started to take notes. “The real question is if he’s measured it” 

Bruce quickly turned his glare to Sam, who had been previously watching quietly from the couch. 

“No. I have not. Pass me the veggie pizza, Thor?” Thor slid the pizza box across the counter one handed, his other wrapped around Jane. 

“So then the real question is how we are going to measure it” Darcy gleefully interjected into the conversation. 

“We could use a yardstick, made of metal” Jane supplied helpfully. “Or maybe measuring tape?” 

“You would probably need a lot of tape, right big guy?” Clint clapped Bruce who looked like he wanted to disappear, on the back and winked.

“You guys are thinking small. Yeah, a yardstick or tape; that’s fine. The question is HOW?” Tony held up a diagram on his starkpad. “First, we gotta make him green. And I use our measuring device in the iron man suit. Or I could get Friday to scan him, right?” 

“That is correct, sir” Friday chimed in. 

“So, we just gotta make him green?” Bucky called from his spot at the table, Natasha on his lap. 

“Buck, no.” Steve’s eyes darted from Bruce’s to Bucky. “That is a horrible idea.” 

“Mmm, sounds fun. I’m in,” Darcy stepped out of her embrace to high five Tony and Clint. 

“Darcy, no. Don’t do it. You can’t do that.” 

The room fell silent as Darcy whirled around, and faced Steve.

“Excuse me? Just because I’ve got this ring on, and I’m Mrs. Rogers, doesn’t mean I’m not Darcy, my own person. Clear? Great.” Darcy faked a smile and stalked away from Steve angrily.

Steve rubbed a hand down his face as Darcy turned back to planning, before leaving the room. Bucky murmured into Natasha’s ear and quietly followed after Steve. 

“What’s it going to take for you to go green, Doc?” Darcy picked up a pencil from the counter and poked Bruce gently.

“More than that, Darcy” Bruce sighed as he took the pencil from her hands. 

“I've got it! Crying baby videos,” Darcy snatched the tablet from Tony and pulled up videos for Bruce, who wouldn’t take the tablet from her. 

“Too soft.” Clint stated from his perch. “What about what a jerk Ross is? He’s the reason you never saw Betty again.” 

Thor backed away with Jane behind him as Clint poked Bruce again.

“I do not think it wise, Clint,” Thor warned.

Bruce’s heart rate monitor steadily increased its beeping as Clint continued to talk, “You wanted him green, right?” 

Darcy slowly backed into Natasha, who led her to the stairs. 

“It was a joke, Clint. Don’t take it too far.” Darcy mumbled from behind Natasha. 

“isn’t Ross the reason you were on the run? Right?” Clint jabbed Bruce with a pencil as the monitors beeping accelerated.

“Clinton. Stop. Now.” Natasha hissed between gritted teeth. 

The elevator dinged and out stepped Steve and Bucky with matching looks of concern on their faces. “Friday said there was an emergency. Darce, are you okay? Is it the baby?”

Darcy nodded, and Steve made a move towards her. Bucky stopped his friend, and pointed to Bruce. Clint gulped as Tony spoke up. “Hey big guy, Clint is sorry. We were just kidding, Brucie. We won’t do it.” 

“Too late,” muttered Bruce, as he felt the familiar pain of his body expanding. He looked Clint in the eye as the group attempted to vacate the room. “I hope you have your measuring tape ready.” 

“Tony, go get your suit,” Steve called out as he ushered Darcy out of the living room. 

“Got it. Barton, I’m sending you the bill. Friday, send me a suit.” Tony ran out of the room in search of an iron man suit.

Clint scrambled into the nearest vent as the Hulk roared before him. “Oh. Shit.”


End file.
